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Imagining him leaving kisses all over me, and me being completely happy with him. The jealous tears come out of you like rain.I cry myself to sleep. I got no response from you. I cry and then get up and go smoke. Staring at my phone as if to will it to say hello. Another cigarette down. I try to crawl back into bed, the emotional roller coaster of this affair making me exhausted. But husband has stolen the entire bed. I go back to the living room and grab a blanket from the couch. I sit and start another smoke, covering myself with the blanket and halfway falling asleep.You cry until you feel thirsty. You get up for a drink and hear your phone go off. Its me. Finally. What the fuck took me so long? In your spite, you read it and do not respond, not knowing the heartbreak you force onto me. You get a drink and fall back onto your bed. You start to reach for the pillow to cuddle, stop mid-air, and throw it across the room.All of this. This is how it would have been had our roles now. "First time we shower together for other than purely recreational reasons, huh?" she giggled."I won't be nearly as rambunctious this time, little redheaded girl," I said.We helped each other get undressed. It was the first time I saw the extent of Cindy's wounds. When I peeled the bandage off her shoulder, the wound I saw was a furrow, surrounded by bruising. Her ribcage was barely a scratch, stitched closed. She WAS fortunate. I pondered what might have been with just a few inches to the right.She'd already seen mine."Am I leaking?" No," she said. "The nurse said soapy water is your friend, though. And I'm betting it's gonna sting..." I'll try not to weep," I said."This REALLY is about us getting clean, baby. This time. We'll have a recreational shower soon enough."We got through the shower. She didn't wince as much as I did. I felt rejuvenated from the hot water soaking the funk off my body. I even managed to shave myself with one hand. It hurt to raise my left arm high enough. I.
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