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The full moon was bright and high above in the cloudless star-covered sky. I paced through the parking lot filled with cars.My boyfriend doesn't know where I am. He would freak if he knew that I was here; he can be very over protective at times. But it was innocent enough, really. I'm meeting a friend -- a guy friend -- I haven't seen or heard from in a month.As I approached the sidewalk just a short distance away from the front door, I noticed a group of people standing in a circle. All male and smoking cigarettes. They catcalled and blew smoke in my direction as I walked by; a skinny little blonde woman like me was an easy target for a gang of boys.I ignored them, focusing on what really mattered to me. There was a big neon sign that read Ricky's Bar with an arrow pointing to the front entrance. I stood by the door and looked around. Nothing but a couple of cars passing by and a few people entering the building. I had half a mind to text him once more. But then, an all too familiar. It's aninteresting psychodynamic. (It's also a bit of pain, literally, fromtime to time.)Lately, I have found, quite by chance, another theory that supports theone that I have already worked out for myself, which I have shared, in aless-than-clinical, literary manner both in this essay and in "FirstTimer: The Aftermath." This theory, as it turns out, was expounded bynone other than Sigmund Freud himself. I came across a summary ofFreud's explanation of masochism in chapter two, "Passionate Fictions:Radclyffe Hall's The Well of Loneliness," of Jean Bobby Noble'sexcellent study, Masculinity Without Men?: Female Masculinity inTwentieth-Century Fictions (Vancouver: The University of BritishColumbia, 2004).Although Noble's own interest, in this volume, at least, is primarilyrelated to lesbian literature, her summary of Freud's take on masochismis too good not to share with Literotica's readers (and writers). Theexplanation may have been a long time coming for others, as it has.
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