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But as the days passed, the feeling of relief subsided, and a different emotion took its place: shame. Shame that I went along so willingly. Being Patricia was not about humiliation or gang bangs in lawn sheds. Although fraught with every hurdle imaginable since becoming a pledge task, being Patricia after all, was always about freedom. Freedom to be who I wanted to be. Freedom not to be caught in the box of pre-prescribed gender. Yes, I understood how Ben felt I humiliated him first, and wanted a release. But this was just bad blood building on bad blood. We needed to get that out of the way, and start, if possible, with a clean slate.I picked up the phone and dialed Ben's cell phone number, he picked up almost instantly, "Ben its Patricia." There was a long pause, "Lance" he said simply. His tone of voice was devoid of emotion, it was difficult for me to read. "No actually, its Patricia. I want to try to get together and talk." Another long pause. "I don't think that's best,. " Lara and I agreed not to say anything."Do you know why Captain died?" Rainbow asked."No," I said."A male in our race mates only once and then dies. His whole body is geared for only one thing: to live long enough and obtain sufficient power over other males that he is the successful breeder of the next generation," Rainbow stated, "Once that purpose is accomplished his entire system disintegrates." When Captain mated with you he spent himself, foolishly. He believed that he, like many other species' males would live to procreate more. We have guarded this secret from the males for eons. I believe it is not necessary to do so and would make problems such as now go away but, the ruling members of my race believe otherwise according to our traditions. And perhaps they are right. It is certain that chaos would ensue amongst the unchosen masses," Rainbow said wistfully."You mean once he finished with me, he just dried up, like a prune?" I asked disbelievingly."Yes. The chemical and.
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