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.. she wanted to... cut me up... dissect me... like you do with... with a frog...". Her sobbing started anew, and her words trailed off... "OK, I see," he said, "Tonya, what's happening is that your mind is reacting to the situation; subconsciously, you feel like a lab animal, trapped and helpless. It's quite normal, I assure you." But... but why... ?" See, Tonya," he explained, patiently, "The intensive therapy requires that the patient be reduced to a state of pure helplessness and then built back up, so to speak; the idea is to 'start from the ground floor', if that makes any sense." But... it hurts... hurts so bad...", she said, still sobbing."I'm sorry for that, Tonya," he replied, a tone of genuine sorrow in his voice, "But it has to happen that way; if we did this at a regular pace, it would take months, or even years to resolve the pain that you have inside. This way, you have the opportunity to rebuild yourself and get on with your life quickly." But... does it... have to.... If I can mold you, a completely clean slate into the vision I have then my accomplishment will speak for itself, don’t you agree?’ I didn’t have time to agree, nor protest, his voice only saying, ‘Learn your lines, return to the park Friday afternoon at five, we’ll block out the set, confirm wardrobe and we open Saturday night. Don’t be late and do not disappoint me sir’ and with that the line went dead and I knew precisely how it felt. I wished for the poison and the relief that death might bring rather than to face the possibility which lay ahead. The bottle of wine had barely been touched but that night it took little time, nor effort to drink its contents and fall into an alcohol induced slumber. My dreams were filled with the sounds of laughter and ridicule, the pathetic figure on stage being pointed out as a buffoon and when I woke Sunday morning it was to sweat filled sheets and the feeling of impending doom. The week was a blur, days filled with work, nights with the pages.
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