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I'd have given it no more than another two weeks and you would have dated someone. And I reckon that could have been Alice." I looked at him. "Look, I'm a professional. I know the signs." Well, yes, maybe." He smiled and looked up at me, "But not now. I don't fancy Alice like that anymore, she would only have been a sort of trial run, and I'm rather pleased I didn't, because it wouldn't have been fair to her. And anyway, she wasn't my only option." Anything else that set you off?" Well she also pissed me off when she didn't tell me off when she had every right to. She was doing her super tolerant loving wife bit, and that really pisses me off when I'm down." Why? What had you done?" Oh, nothing really. I got caught by Sue Chapman, our landlady. I nipped out to get the Sunday paper and she saw me. The Chapmans will be moving back in to Trafalgar House very soon, the builders have nearly finished. So almost every other day, Sue comes round with paint samples and curtain swatches. She. I stumbled and wasn’t quite sure what to say, so she put me out of my misery.“I’m guessing you’re in a new relationship, that you don’t know a lot about sex toys, and you’d like some advice. If I’m wrong, please forgive me, but that would be my best guess.”“No, you’re absolutely right. I don’t know anything about this, and, yes, I would very much appreciate some advice.” Her no-nonsense, breezy tone made it much easier for me to talk.“If I might ask, what kind of relationship is it?”I was puzzled, which must have shown.“I mean,” she said, “is it with a man or a woman, is it on the BDSM spectrum, is this a lead-up to a wedding or honeymoon – you know, that kind of thing.”“It’s with a man – very definitely a man…”She laughed. “Good! Relationships tend to be better with people who know who they are.”I stopped, “That may be part of my problem. This is brand new to me, and, well, I’m not very good at sex…”She looked at me. “You are stunningly beautiful. What is wrong with men these.
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