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I went to the first house on the street. I got out of the car, and fixed my tie in the side mirror. I tried to stroke my new beard, but I only felt my warm skin under my hands. I strode up the door, and rang the door bell. A woman answered."Can I help you?" She said, keeping the door only opened enough to poke her head out."Good afternoon," I said, a little surprised at how deep Johan made my voice, "I'm with the Home Assessment Group, and I'm here to assess your house. May I have a look around?" Home assessment? I thought we were supposed to get a letter before you came?" She said, a little suspicious of my motives."You didn't get a letter?" She shook her head. "I'm terribly sorry. It might have gotten lost in the mail. I could come back at another time, if this is a bad time you now." Oh, it's fine. Come in." She said, opening the door wider and moving out of my way. I gave her a warm and friendly smile.I moved through the house, pretending to take imaginary notes on my imaginary. Then I took some banana icing and on top of the cake drew a giant erect penis and scrotum, making it as close to his actual size as I could. I even added a little spray of banana semen flowing out of it and a big JACK 21. I saved the extra icing because I thought we might be able to have some fun with it later on.When I was fixing the dinner—grilled chicken, spinach and carrots—I sliced the last couple inches from the fat end of a good-sized carrot. I buttered it up and wedged it into my asshole for Jack to find. I threw the rest of the carrot into the pot.I arranged a “picnic” in my living room. I set up the fireplace and spread a large quilt and some pillows on the floor in front of it. I set out wine and glasses and plates and napkins and silverware and put on some soft jazz music. I lit two candles and made sure the oil was handy.I showered and cleaned myself inside and out and when I dried off I lubed myself and re-inserted my carrot. I only put on two pieces of clothing: short.
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