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“What are we going to do?” she asks sobbing.“We know this place we are in isn’t working – for either of us,” I say quietly.I hold her on my lap for what seems like hours. We are both afraid to let go - afraid we won't get this moment back. While rocking her, massaging her back, she finally quiets. My mind has been spinning, searching the depths of my soul for a solution. I think I have some ideas.“We will figure this out. If I love you and you love me, we can fix this. We have to have some kind of physical connection, Kira. We have to. For now, what if I promise that a kiss is just a kiss, a touch is just a touch, with no pressures of sex? Can we just try?”Nodding her head, she says, “I would like that, Shawn. I am trying on my own to help myself too. I have been reading about mindfulness … being present in the moment. If I could learn to do that and not be worrying all the time, I think I could be okay again. My mind is just constantly racing now. I can’t settle it and relax. All. Everyone was real nervous at first, until we started drinking the Pink Panties I had made (I used a lot of gin, but that's our little secret) and soon, everyone was drunk.Finally, the action began. It started with small gestures, like hand touches, footsy under the table, and everyone laughing and making sexual jokes. Then I found myself getting bold. I reached over & grabbed her tit, laughing hysterically. She retaliated by pulling my tit out of my tank top, & pinching my nipples. I squealed and jumped, smacking her hand. Paul followed her lead by reaching over and grabbing my nipple. He leaned over & put my nipple in his mouth, sending chills down my spine. I abruptly stopped laughing & held onto the table for support. She grabbed my other nipple & put that one in her mouth. The feeling of my nipples being sucked at the same time was too much to bear, so I said "time out!" I had to gain control in this situation, so I got up from the table, and stumbled over to Erica. I grabbed her.
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