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.. I'm so sorry Chuck. I'm so sorry.” She dropped her purse and embraced me. As I buried my sobbing face into her chest I could feel myself getting hard. We are not what one would call a “hugging” family. Not a lot of physical contact is ever made. Standing there with our bodies pressed together, it seemed as though one of my fantasy scenarios were playing out. “We'll go to the mall right now and buy you a new wardrobe. How does that sound?” “That sounds great Mom.” Thanks to my Mom's sophisticated taste in clothes, school became almost tolerable. At least I didn't get picked on as much. Making friends did not come easily. I spent most of my time after school jerking off, thinking about all those pretty girls at school. But before I came, I would always drift back into one of my “Mom” fantasies. Those were still the hottest thoughts in my sick little mind. The weeks dragged on. As the weather became warmer, my Mom would sunbathe on the deck. I discovered the perfect, voyeuristic. On my second trip down, I discover I’m singing a song softly under my breath. ‘Sittin’ on the front porch, on a summer afternoon… in a straight back chair on two legs, leaned against the wall… watch the kids a’playin, with June bugs on a string, and chase the glowin’ fireflies when evenin’ shadows fall.’ That’s it! That’s what I’m going to miss. Those idyllic days of summer. Aha, so the mystery of life is solved. No more playing in the hose and drinking from it, no more Country Time Pink Lemonade, no more lightning bugs in a mason jar, no more cornbread and beans and fried potatoes, no more listening to the soft whir of the sewing machine accompanied by a sweet song of some distant bird. Oh yes, I’ll still have those things, but not out there. It just won’t have the same zing as it did in my youth, and just up ’til recent. What will I do this summer? Greatma doesn’t have any flowers for me to water. There’s no garden, so that means there won’t be corn to shuck, beans to snap,.
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