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However, I know that my element is it's opposite- FIRE. I connect with the flames of a malevolent fire; I see myself within its intense heat. I feel as if my emotions are a wild flame of insecurities, revenge and self-hatred. It's ironic how I see myself engulfed in darkness and yet I feel as if I connect with the one thing that can bring me light.The darkest night - a blanket of onyx silk shielding us from the problems and responsibilities of the coming day...I found myself gazing up at the wondrous beauty of the night sky only hours ago — lost in the sheer magnificence of the tiny specks of light that gazed back. It mesmerized me in the purest of ways. How can such a simple action be so soothing? For a split second it was as if I left my body; as if I vanished from this plane of existence; it was as if I were flying. Whilst lying there on the boot of a car, my eyes gleamed with the reflection of the stars- the oh so beautiful stars- and to describe the feeling that I felt is truly. . fine and dandy. But if you think I'm gonna go and fight it for you—think again! Get someone else, 'cause I just don't give a fuck!I'd spent eight years of my life, eight goddamned years, fighting a losing battle that only a handful of people even knew was being fought. For what? What had I achieved?Apathy.That's what I'd ended up with ... apathy. Of all the fucking emotions available to me, that's the one I'd ended up with. That, and the thinnest, most frazzled thread of hope I could envision.I used to care about justice. But years of pointless struggling had convinced me at last that there was no such thing, and that there never would be.Not if I was the only one interested.I used to care about truth. After eight years in D.C. I couldn't even be sure what that meant. I wasn't sure I'd ever known.Pontius Pilate is famously reported to have asked, 'What is Truth? Is Truth unchanging law?'Brilliant question. Brilliant! 'Is Truth unchanging law?'Probably.Facts are what they are, but.
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