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I was in the kitchen when the Dowager’s bedroom bell rang. Bessie the maid went at once but returned quickly. ?The Dowager wants Mr Hanson,? she announced.I went at once, ?Yes Madam?? I ventured as I entered her room after knocking politely.?Come in close the door, there is a draught,? she ordered. ?I have something for you.?She handed me a smart leather bound case, unusually long and thin. ?Open it then.? she ordered.I opened the case. It contained a somewhat used horse whip.?Is that what you wanted?? she asked.?Only in my dreams,? I admitted.?Oh well, my mistake,? she said. ?Bolt the door and drop your trousers.??Madam?? replied uncertainly.?Bolt the door and drop your trousers I shall not tell you again,? she repeated.?Yes Madam, certainly Madam,? I replied and I slid the door bolt along and returned to stand before her as she sat on the bed fully dressed I might add.?Trousers down Hanson,? she ordered, ?I need to inspect your equipment.??Yes Madam.? I replied again and duly undid. .. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.Then the priest came in. I said to him: “Father, forgive me, for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”He replied: “You moron, you’re on my side.”This is compliments of John A.Never ask a woman how she is doing when she is eating ice cream out of the carton.Why don’t I have any tattoos? for the same reason you do not put bumper stickers on a Ferrari.I want it all and I want it delivered. Bette Midler.I might wake up early and go running. I may wake up and find I that I won the lottery. Same odds.I put some Irish whisky in my coffee, BECAUSE IT’S IRELAND SOME WHERE.I WONDER WHY WE ARE SO OBSESSED WITH FINDING LIFE ON OTHER PLANETS WHEN IT IS DIFFICULT TO FIND HERE.I hate it when I gain 10 lbs. for a role and the realize I am not a actress.if your cup is half full you probably need a different bra.Some.
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