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She was visiting Darrell at the same time I was with Jennifer. She sure was pretty and seemed happy the one time I’d met her. She’d also seemed very interested in me for some reason, but maybe that was because of my amazing good looks.“So, you’re getting out next month,” said Darrell.“Yeah, looks like,” I said.“Whaddya gonna do?” he said.“Honestly, I’m not sure. Like I told you, my ex’s husband wants to help me out, but I’m not into that not on any level,” I said.“I can dig it man. But a man does need a little money to get started again, back out amongst them again, and a woman? You got any plans?” he said.“No, not really, I’ll shack up at the halfway house for a while, and get me a job, any job.” I said.“Hmm,” he said.As noted I’d done a lot of thinking since my meet up with Nathan Grimes, some four years gone now. He knew when I was getting out, I was certain of that. But, it was always iffy, that is as per exact dates were concerned, when it came to any inmate being released from. She remained uninvolved through it all, and never initiated these sessions. I always had to ask for them. I spent the first ten years of my marriage geting rejected for sexual contact about 9 out of 10 times. As I noted, this could be seen as a very effective, if passive, castration.Things got worse. Maxine was tired from gaining much weight and often for more than two months in a row, I was sexually ignored. I would masturbate nightly.In 1981 I couldn't stand it any more, and had an affair. I needed some attention and validation of my existance and sexuality. The affair was a conventional one, with wonderful sex and was very intense. I even briefly considering leaving Maxine for this woman. But as she lived in England, it became impossible to continue. But it served its purpose. I knew what I DIDN'T want: I didn't want to be ignored sexually anymore.After a few weeks of thinking about it, I told Maxine not about the affair, but about my not wanting to be sexually ignored. I told her.
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