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I have been throwing the idea in the air for a year now of whether or not to do so since our last conversation was awkward and unfinished. I have been wanting to explain to you why I did what I did and wanted to apologize for the hurt I caused you. I reread the letter one last time to make sure everything I want to say is said.********Sir,I know I left without warning and without explanation. It was so close to when I was going to be moving in with you and in a way I got scared. I got scared of the commitment and such a young age. I got scared at the thought of giving myself to you fully, even though that is all I ever wanted and needed. I was afraid of who I was, and had yet to understand what my role in life meant. I was only 17. I did not know that my actions at that moment would affect my life in such a big way.Over the years you found your way back into my head and now you are all I think about. At first it was very little, then after a while it became everyday, every night, all. "I shrugged as I lay Madoka on the changing table. I was getting out the carry sling we used as I answered. "I also know that you have cried yourself to sleep a few times. I've guessed it was because you are older than the rest of us and sometimes worry about fitting in."Bethany gave me a hug as I got the sling situated on my hip. "It's not exactly fitting in, but I can't find a word that really fits." And you're being silly," I said as I picked up my daughter and slid her into the sling. She immediately rolled to her side and placed a hand on my breast. I sighed and pushed the hand down while settling Madoka into the fabric."No, Madoka's being silly," Bethany said. "I'm being a fool. James shows how he feels about me every day. I know I have nothing to fear, especially after nearly a year with him. But I still worry." About?" I asked as Bethany worked to gather her daughter Astrid in a sling."Nothing ... Everything," Bethany said. "I'm the oldest. Does that mean I'll die first? I'd.
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