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A big part of me wants to leave him as I understand our marriage will never be the same. Our love has lost its innocence. The wounds of betrayal still fester under the band-aides of hope and forgiveness.There is no point in hiding it, I want revenge. And I want it bad. I want to make Chris feel the same pain I did. I want to make him pay for what he did in every sense. He is going to suffer. He is going to cry.I'm going to break Chris.Only then can we begin to build each other up and realise what we have is worth saving.I'm going to sleep with another man. I want to know what it feels like to make love… no, not love. I want to know what it feels like to have sex. Hot dirty sex. Sex without commitment. Sex without strings. Chris did it. Why can't I?I will.I just need to know how best to go about it.~I started hanging out with the young guns at work. Socialising for Friday drinks with the sales team. There is a handsome mixed race guy called Jamal. He is clever and confident and all the. We didn’t meet up that night because Rich was working late and couldn’t get away to hang out, but he asked me to talk with him to help him pass the time while he was working, and we ended up on the phone for what felt like several hours. I liked talking to him, he was different than the other older people I knew, he talked to me honestly and could talk about lots of things I was interested in. We talked about sports, music, a food festival that was happening in the next week and about girls, Rich knew a lot about girls and asked if there was someone I had my eye on. Since there was a girl I had a crush on but couldn’t get the courage to talk to Rich gave me some pointers on things to say and what women liked and how to tow the line between being an asshole (which some girls loved) and being nice (which everyone liked but didn’t always make you the desired choice) and I listened intently attempting to explain the reasons why I didn’t think it would work and that I didn’t see much of a.
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