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Rachael acted like he’d died, she moped and stayed in bed and wouldn’t talk to me. I did sleep in my bed that night but she made me stay on “my side” and not touch her. The rest of the week was the same except when she’d call him, while she was on the phone begging him to come over she was animated and happy, then she’d get off the phone and go back to bed. I was beside myself, I hadn’t had sex in way over a month!Friday evening I made a pitcher full of her favorite drink, extra, extra, extra spicy hot bloody marys and low and behold, she drank and loved them. After a couple of drinks she came out of the bedroom and even said I might get lucky!!! She decided she wanted pizza so she ordered and I started a movie she’d been wanting to see. Things were looking up! When the pizza arrived she jumped up to get it and after several minutes I went to see what was taking her so long. There she was, just inside the front door on her knees sucking off the pizza guy, Black, of course, k**. My instant reaction to arousal is rage. It has taken me a long time to push through that feeling, to stop being so angry at my own body and the person I'm attracted to. I wouldn't bring this up at all, but tonight got me so spun up. You were kind enough to let me stay with you, I didn't want you to misunderstand." Damn. I have to tell you, just knowing you from work, you seem so together, so casual about things I'm still hung up on. I'd have never even guessed all this was going on in your head." It sucks, but it is who I am, so I have no choice but to try to deal with it. Sometimes it gets me down. I can't have close friends, because when I do I end up pushing them away or hurting them. I've never had a serious relationship for much the same reason. But sometimes, like tonight, I really wish I did."Her eyes were full of tears and she looked so lost, so tired. Peter stood up and drew her into his arms. She broke as she clutched him, the kind of heart wrenching sobs that made him tear.
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