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I tried to fit in with stuff like boy scouts with my friend Jason but wish Icould join Missy in her girl scout uniform as she sold cookies.When I turned 18 it was the happiest time. My graduation gown was the closestthing to a dress I wore since I outgrew mom's skirts. When returning from mygrandparents I tried to explain to mom my feelings that I always felt but shedidn't understand the differences in TG lifestyles anymore than I did at thetime. She bought me a series of gay lifestyle books trying to understand me,but only drove me to the brink of suicide. When mom asked me if I stillwanted to be a woman, I lied and said no since at that point I would of saidanything to end the suffering my was putting me through with her attempts tounderstand me.At this point I tried to be the man my parents wanted me to be while Istarted collage while living at home. That didn't last long before I startedusing my own money to go shopping for my own pantyhose to wear sometimes somom wouldn't notice. When I didn't immediately follow her, she came back into the room."Are you coming up?" She asked."Not yet. I think I'll watch some of Letterman tonight." Can't you come up now? I don't like sleeping without you," she said."You might want to get used to it," I said."What does that mean?" Just that you can't always expect me to be in bed next to you," I said."Why did you say that?" She asked. "I don't understand you. Are you trying to tell me something?" No. Just giving you something to think about. Good night."Tracy stood in the doorway for another minute staring at me. She appeared to be upset but she didn't say anything more. Finally she turned and went off to bed.When I went to bed about an hour later Tracy was either asleep or doing a pretty good imitation of sleeping.I changed for bed and slipped in next to Tracy and tried to get to sleep. I was laying on my side thinking about what might happen the following evening when Tracy stirred. I lay still and started breathing slow and.
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