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Go and check inside the top drawer in your study.” Mac paused open-mouthed, his exhilaration fading. “Don’t panic, darling,” his estranged wife said, like she could see his expression. “It’s nothing bad.”He went directly to his desk, heartbeat pounding in his throat, and pulled open the first drawer. A manila envelope rested on top of all his files. “What the hell is this?” His heart was still thudding fast, despite her reassurance. He cradled the phone between his shoulder and chin as he worked open the envelope’s sealed end with a finger and pulled out the documents within.Mac stared at the A4 sheets, setting them on the desktop to leaf through them. They were easy enough to recognise, but Miranda’s signature on the final one, along with that of her lawyer, was the difficult part to digest. “This is…”“Your counter-offer,” she said. “Rather generous. I could scarcely refuse it, well could I?”Mac had considered himself well-slept, but maybe he needed another coffee. “You’ve… This…”. Cody’s kitchen wasn’t much more to look at. Peeling wall paper and a plastic card table. There were dozens of GNC protein powder jugs. Jesus, is that all this guy ate? ‘I’m ready!’ Cody called from the front room. Shit. I needed a piece of loose leaf. ‘Here,’ Kevin handed me a cucumber, ‘Just make a mark in it or something.’ I turned the cucumber over in my hand. It was definitely longer and fatter than any dick I’d seen. I was surprised it was in Cody’s refrigerator. ‘Alright, this is the cucumber of truth,’ I said holding up the gourd and pointing to his hard-on, ‘I’m going to put it up against your um. . .’ boner, cock, junk, willy, wiener, doodle, purple-headed-yogurt-slinger, ‘. . .thing, and make a mark on this side.’ Cody nodded. I measured, digging my fingernail in the cucumber where his penis ended and marking it with a CD. I’m anything if efficient when it comes to measuring guys’ dicks. In the bathroom, Jeff and I went through the same routine, and I didn’t need a damn.
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