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The Holy Spirit knows that the search for perfection in another is just a smokescreen that hides our need to develop the perfect within ourselves. And if there is a perfect person out there - which there isn’t - would they date you? When we give up the c***dish obsession with scanning the planet for Mr. or Ms. Right, we can begin to develop the skills of compassionate relationship. We stop judging people and start relating to them instead. We recognize, first and foremost, that we’re not in a relationship to focus on how well the other person is learning their lessons, but rather to focus on learning our own.The ego defends against love, not fear. Pain in relationships can be perversely comfortable pain, in that is one we know. We’re used to it. I once heard a tape by Ram Dass, an American spiritual teacher, in which he told of seeing a newspaper article about an abused baby being taken away from his mother. As a police matron tried to take the baby, he kept struggling to remain in. "Oh goodie," she said, clapping her hands with excitement. "I'm soglad to see you are still so respectful and that you know your place inour friendship. I love it when you use 'yes Ma'am' or 'no Ma'am' asneeded. It is a sweet way of recognizing my being your better, of youbeing my inferior, don't you agree?" Yes Ma'am," I answered dutifully. "I do agree with you. Absolutely." I always enjoyed spending time with you Stevie," she said. "And onsome level I sensed what you were long before I knew it for a fact oreven understood it." Um, what do you mean?" I managed to ask her."Oh, please Stevie," she said laughing. "Don't try to pretend not tounderstand. We've been through too much together for that kind ofsilliness. And besides, it will interfere with our plans for theevening and then maybe with our plans for you."I sat rigidly still and pretended to be fascinated with sipping my winewhich I drank much too fast and made her laugh once more.She smiled and stood to refill my.
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