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Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like banana.How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb? Let’s go play on our bikes.What do you call dangerous precipitation? A rain of terror.Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks “How do you drive this thing?”Why can’t a bike stand on its own? It’s two tired.Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out man!Last night I almost had a threesome, I only needed two more people!What do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowntain.Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.PMS should just be called ovary-acting.Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells.Pampered cows produce spoiled. Did the children feeding suck the magic out of her breasts? Did the surgeon take her confidence with her womb? I never thought so but she did. I couldn’t convince her that there was still magic in those breasts, in her body, in her. I was too familiar I guess, too easy to discount, too biased she thought."You would say that wouldn’t you," She’d say, convinced that I spoke from love rather than reality.Her night school teacher on the other hand; an adulterous philanderer who was only interested in himself, glibly making promises he couldn’t keep; he could convince her because his voice came from lust not love. He didn’t keep his promises, but the damage he did was awful.She told me later that she’d refused him at first, but lust can energise persistence. He kept it up, and protected from the possibility of pregnancy by her hysterectomy, she gave in and enjoyed it. I knew nothing about it when it started and her lack of precautions meant she brought home a virus for me. Luckily it was.
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