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That was a disaster. I pulled out of the game. Until you came along. And I let my guard down. And now..." And now we're being too serious," I said. If she was going to push for something, I was going to make her at least push a bit harder."Stoney, you're the first guy I have said I loved since junior high. The first one I've REALLY REALLY kissed, not because I wanted to see what kissing was like, but because I wanted to meld with you in some way. It means something to me that I kind of understand, but I'm afraid to announce. It's kind of like watching bubbles in the sunlight. They're shimmering and beautiful and alive and dynamic and you want to possess that beauty, but if you so much as touch one..."Okay, I can handle that metaphor. "Okay, sweet beautiful Johanna..." Stoney, when you say my name like that, I start melting inside." You're my perfect, shimmering, beautiful rainbow kaleidoscope bubble, and I've gently caught you in my palm. If I move too fast, too much..."She kissed. You know so I can make it perfect. I cut the side of my arm three times horizontally, the second cut was the deepest. For about a minute I was mesmerized by my own blood falling into the sink, nothing else existed at that moment. I was in a trance I didn’t even feel any pain, it was like I was floating away from my body. Drip…Drip…Drip…Drip. Strangely symbolic my dance with death. I had a little to drink at the party and my adrenaline was pumping from cutting myself and the knowledge that this was my last night, it all made my head spin (a little too much). I was getting a little dizzy, I don’t know if I was going to pass out before I got the job done. Then the next thing I feel in my back, man I’m really out of it. Then I hear my name being screamed over and over in a piercing yell. ‘Leah! Leah! Leah!’ over and over, then punctuated with ‘Open this god damn door!’ Every third time my name was called. I was going to make a comical joke about moving towards the light since I was.
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