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When you heard my voice you opened your eyes and smiled at me. It was the most beautiful smile I had ever seen, but it broke my heart because I knew it would be your last. I saw death in your eyes, felt his presence, a cold breath on the back of my neck. There was no hope in your eyes, but neither was there despair. You were as you had always been, content to accept what was given. Life or death. It was out of your hands and were happy to leave it out of mine. You knew that I wasn’t ready, that there had been no time. Perhaps you were ready to surrender yourself to the arms of death, but I wasn’t. No matter what I had decided, no matter what we had talked about in the soft glow of the dying fire, I was not ready to say goodbye. Closing my eyes I shiver. I think there is someone out there, in the snow. Didn’t I just hear a laugh? Didn’t I just hear a sigh? Didn’t I just see the glow as they kissed? I am so weary. The years have weighed heavily on me. How long has it been, since that. All you need is time.” Jahn hadn’t been able to help his response, his bleakness spilling over into the room around him. “Why bother? Dad had it right.” Shocked into silence by the suicidal overtones of his brother’s response, Roger only stared at him, horrified. Strange, thought Jahn as his brother stalked out of the room, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him cry before. Voices from the hallway told him that his brother hadn’t gone far, was talking with a woman there. A nurse? No, Jahn recognized the voice – Mary Reed. Angry about something, but didn’t she have a right to be? Both of her daughters, who she’d raised to become lovely, talented young women, were dead in a traffic wreck, of all things. Her grandchild – his child. There were specifics, but the only words he recalled were ‘car’ and ‘accident’. The woman’s voice was rising. Incredulity? Rage? Something else? (doesn’t) (know) Words come to him like chunks through a straw. Mary moved into the room with dread purpose, his brother.
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