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I would be very disappointed in myself if I couldn’t step up and make a new life. ‘What really hurts is that Cindy is not here to walk by my side in all this. I feel better about how she has handled things. I couldn’t give up the law enforcement work voluntarily — even if it would have saved my marriage. Now? Hell, I don’t know. It’s been lonely and I … well I’ve never stopped loving her. I just don’t know, Joe.’ Mary lingered to chat with me. ‘Jerry, if I’m out of line, let me know. I don’t know if you knew or not but I’ve been having lunch with Cindy fairly often since she — well, since she left you. I know how hurt you were but you do understand that she never stopped loving you, don’t you?’ I started to explode with my first thought: ‘Well, if she loved me so much, why did she throw her ring at me and tell me to give it away? Why did she insist on a divorce?’ I realized I was clenching my fists and had half risen up. I leaned back with a sigh and relaxed. ‘Yeah, Mary, I know.. It didn’t help that I couldn’t bring myself to knock until an hour later, so I was thoroughly soaked when she had opened the door, dressed in a white vest and black jeans. My glasses had started to fog up during my wait, so I had taken them off and was fidgeting with them, cleaning the water from them periodically with the hem of my shirt. When Miranda opened the door, I crammed them hastily onto my face. I didn’t understand her facial reaction. Her face was flushed, and her hands were trembling. “What are you doing here?” Something was wrong. Something screamed at me to just say what I needed to say on that doorstep and leave, to not even bother waiting around for an answer, to just get my feelings off my chest. I opened my mouth at least, but nothing came out. I tried to force ANY words out, and all I could manage was the tiniest of grunts. Miranda shook herself, and grabbed me by the shirt collar, dragging me inside. I formed a small pool of water in her hallway, and taking my.
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