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He was obviously in great shape and appeared considerably more fit than I. I also couldn't help but notice his sizeable bulge.Jackie climbed into the ring. Dave and I followed and met in the center while she explained some standard fighting rules.I thought the whole idea seemed a little ridiculous and I laughed. I looked at Dave, figuring he thought it was ridiculous as well. He was staring at me and he wasn't laughing."No punching or kicking - strictly wrestling. No eye pokes and no hands to the face. No strikes to the groin, but all holds are otherwise legal." Those were the rules Jackie laid out. She said there could only be submissions due to extreme pain causing a tap out or injury, but the fight would otherwise be fought until there was a clear, dominant winner.I was becoming more nervous - especially when I heard Jackie reference eye pokes, strikes to the groin, etc. Then there was that serious stare in Dave's eyes. I was suddenly faced with the reality that despite wearing. I met her not long after she joined AA. I admired her courage. She blamed no one but herself and knew it was a sickness. She dealt with it.I had no such excuse for my behavior. I was selfish. It all boiled down to that. It was always about what I wanted. I had been blind to it just as Ginny had been blind to her alcoholism. Howard's harsh words had jolted me and forced me to admit to my self-centered behavior. But I could change. I knew I could change. It wouldn't even be hard. I'd just have to be more thoughtful of others. I could do that. I would do that.When we finished the dishes, we walked to the living room and sat where we had sat on Wednesday evening. It was my turn. How to begin? I took a deep breath."Howard ... I want first to apologize. I want to apologize for hurting you and for being so stupid as to think you would accept my ... intended behavior. I don't know what I was thinking, but it wasn't rational. Worse than that, I don't know what brought it on. It certainly.
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