I got a job of sorts with an expatriate Yankee bar owner called “Toots” who had tits that sagged down to her waist. She told me it was my job to tactfully get rid of the English speaking customers who looked like trouble. Unfortunately, “tactfully” often turned into a fist fight with no rules of conduct. Naturally, I had to dump the bastards out in the gutter, so our place didn’t get a bad reputation. The old bitch had about twenty bar-girls working for her pushing drinks on the drunken sailors. Not surprisingly, one of the perks of the job was that I could periodically “inspect” them for fully functioning female parts and the welcoming attitude of their hard-working backsides. It was so rewarding that I even swore off the booze in order to keep pace with the supply of constantly-changing bar-girls needing emergency check-ups.Toots was smart enough to have a real doctor on call to give the girls a clean bill of health on a weekly basis.I liked that feature, because I sure didn’t. Besides I shouldn’t have put it so close to the street, we’re just trying hard to rent it out.’ What was the chance? ‘You’re renting it?’ ‘Yes, we own the two houses here, we live next door, me and my husband Jim.’ she smiled. ‘Do you have time to show it real quick?’ ‘Yes I sure do, I have all the time in the world.’ It was huge on the inside, the house had been divided into two separate apartments, with a shared basement that had a free washer and dryer for the tenants. She said he had a neighbor but she was rarely home since she worked all the time. He handed her cash and she handed him the keys immediately. He went inside and sat on the empty living room floor wondering what the hell he was doing. This time last week he was living in the lap of luxury, today he was in an empty apartment he had rashly rented. He had no idea where he was, didn’t even know the state but he was renting an apartment here. He was losing his mind. *** She was furious, as if it wasn’t bad enough.
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