It was infuriating… and yet, I would let it happen and even encourage it. I loved what she was doing and craved more.About halfway into the term, we had a four day weekend. Because she was on color guard and had practice, and I was not welcome at my home, we remained while most of the school and all but 4 (including us) of the 40 or so people on our floor went home for the mini-vacation. Erin wasn’t a fan of spending a weekend alone, so she grabbed a suitcase and packed it with full, with the intention of staying out of her own room until her roommates got back and staying with me the entire weekend. With her planning to spend all weekend with me, my mind (and, invariably, nether regions) were going wild with desire. I just knew that this weekend would be it.That Friday, we spent time together like normal. Talking, exploring campus, eating the surprisingly good cafeteria food, and just enjoying each other’s company. That night, she told me we were going to watch a porno. This wasn’t. There was a large heavy box in garish paper that clashed with all the other presents for my kids and their kids. It had arrived yesterday morning via Federal Express overnight service. There was a card on it in Ginny’s distinctive handwriting that said, ‘To my loving husband.’ I wasn’t surprised that I had a Christmas gift from Ginny six months after she’d died. Ginny was one of those people who did their Christmas shopping early, like at the after-Christmas sales. I was a little surprised that she’d ordered something to be delivered Christmas Eve, but my major surprise was how anxious I was to open it. I think its arrival yesterday was what caused the first crack in my shield, but my reaction at the time was anger that she was sending me something while I would never be able to buy anything for her again. Now I was excited by her last demonstration of her love for me. A tingle of fear crept into my excitement. What if this was something Ginny had ordered before she got sick,.
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