We were sitting at Beth’s computer though I was at the keyboard at this point typing. Jack said, “It’s good to see you two are still getting along. Let me know when you have something more to show.”Beth looked up. “We’ve got most of the report fleshed out. We’ll be working on the multi-media presentation next. It will be Monday around noon or later before it’s ready.” He nodded.We worked to lunch. “It’s time for lunch, Gerald. Let’s go to Mabel’s.” I nodded.Jack looked over and asked, “May I join you for lunch?”Beth said, “Sure. We’re going to Mabel’s.”Jack said, “I’ve heard of it but never eaten there.”“Gerald introduced me to it. The food is great if you like country cooking.” Jack nodded.We went outside and I wondered how three could fit in my truck. Beth said, “Gerald, I don’t think three will fit well in your truck.”Jack said, “I have an SUV. Why don’t I drive?” We both nodded. I was relieved and I think Beth might have been not to shoehorn us into her Benz. I opened the front. Nothing new there. My work day was overloaded - like usual, I dropped my coffee and stained my shirt, ripped a stocking and the guy I've been trying to be semi-serious with is only interested in having a lay. Now, after being unable to decompress on my own, I'm sitting here on my couch with a bottle of Chardonnay and my largest - and favorite of late - wine glass while I try to write away my sorrows and frustrations. So, here goes: My life feels like a giant mess pile in a contractor trash bag that I keep dragging behind me with no hope for the heaviness of its stress to lighten. I haven't gotten over my last break up yet - sad, I know - and it's just making me feel like I'm the most worthless person on the planet. I keep playing through what I did or where I went wrong but I keep coming blank then swap into these horrible bouts of self-loathing for not doing better at whatever the fuck was wrong. I keep thinking of him too. What he might be doing right now and constantly.
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