Beverley had married Adam knowing in general terms what he did, if not the specifics. She'd been prepared to live comfortably off the misfortune and suffering of others. Nope, no trauma there.Michelle! Well if she hadn't proven to be as nasty as her father in her own right I might have felt something there.Kyra? Kyra would have quite happily been Daddy's girl regardless of what Daddy did for a living had Michelle not taken over that role. Michelle's own attitude had developed in response to Kyra's and I'm not really sure if Kyra would have let me go without Daddy punishing me if she had desired that I stay. On her plus side, she really did care for Mark and I don't mean in an incestuous way. I would remember her with some fondness but once again, I compare her loss to the people who might be saved in her father's absence and cannot think of any real redeeming quality that meant I should feel guilty.Mark is a different matter. Mark suffered from his father's attitude but didn't have. I have yet to have those prayers answered but here again is where the patience comes in, I know that to press myself upon her would be too great, so I live here among the letters, words and phrases- and yet dying somehow to get out. But if my death would result in my heaven spent with her then with this I could be quite content. I just want her, I mean I need her. I feel sometimes that my heart was only put inside my chest to be a vessel surging to remind me how much she affects me. There are times when I curse my heart, my soul and my mind for allowing me to get so drawn in on such an untouchable creature. It’s like falling in love with a butterfly, the colors hypnotize you, you watch them twirl and perform, and then you follow them as it flutters and dances right before your eyes. The only problem is while you’re watching, you forget everything else. Reason goes out the window, logic no longer exists, and you find yourself falling, tripping and subjecting yourself to dangers, just.
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