No more balloon shadow. It feltgood to know I didn't have to feel shitty or quite so nervous around himanymore. I didn't know if he really believed in us or not, and ofcourse he hadn't included me in the compliments. But I wasn't about tokid myself, even if Lena had decided to do it for me. Lena and Sarahwere our real strength, and Gina could keep up with them. All I had todo was ride along and keep my suckage to a minimum and whatever resultedwould be interesting, to say the least.So a year later and I wasn't doing anything wrong. I had nothing to beashamed of. It really wasn't terrible being like Emily, Michelle, Sarahor even Dallas. It didn't matter if I was growing out my hair, shavingmy legs, wearing my power beads, yearning for Gina like the queer chickI was becoming and trying to figure out how to masturbate.I was just being me. Someone I could live with, the way Emily wanted.I wasn't exactly a total fucking winner. I was now officially a dumbteenager after all,. Have I done something wrong?”She flushed red and looked into her lap before answering, "No, it's not that, I mean, well…" she looked up at me her eyes pleading. Some may call me a shit, but I learnt something that morning; if you do not say anything others will fill the void and she did, "Well, after, you know? And we got talking more, I wasn't doing anything so thought I would come and see what you did." As she spoke her confidence seemed to grow, "I have actually seen the start and finish of your last three races. But there has always been some of your friends there and I don't, didn't know how to say hi in front of them."“You could try, ‘hi’ or something like that.”“Yes, but your friends…” I cut her off.“You are one of my friends. After, you know; I told you that.”“Yes, but they are all so much older and I’d feel out of place and…” she ran out of steam.“I’m so much older,” I mimicked. “Listen to me Nic, we’ve talked a lot, you’re fun and intelligent you act more like sixteen.
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