I feel sorry our marriage has to end but I want to get onwith my life. I would like it if you could still be like a friendto me. I don't know how you feel about it but I can't hate you forwhat you have done." Sandy had tears in her eyes. She slowly said, "I never thoughtthis would turn out the way it did. I thought it was fun at first,then I began to see you differently. When you didn't rebel at someof the things I did to you I wondered if I should end it. Then Ithought how good it felt to control you. I got a power lust soonafter I started that I never knew could exist in a person. I felta high when I came home each night and you were cooking supper. Iwondered what else I could do to you to make happen what I thoughtyou wanted. So you see in a way you were in charge as I tried tohumiliate you but you always seemed to come out ahead. I hated thethought that you thought I was a vanilla wife. I saw a vanilla wifeas someone who lacked imagination and someone who was afraid to. There is a species of fish, you once told me, in which the male attaches to the female and over time disintegrates until nothing remains of him but a sac of sperm that the female harvests on a periodic basis to fertilise her eggs. Evolution, I am pleased to learn, occasionally employs Ockham’s Razor with a wicked sense of humour. I open the window and the cold, moist air from outside flows into the room. You stir and I listen for the insincere crossness of your voice asking me to get back to bed. But when you do speak, you catch me by surprise. ‘I want to have a baby.’ My room is on the fourth floor of a walkup in the old town. In winter, there is an occasional clanging that rises up the floors and within the walls, perhaps from the pipes that bring the hot water to the radiators. The sound offers me a distraction and I seize upon it. As I place my hand on the radiator in an attempt at naive diagnosis, I can sense you smiling in the darkness, smiling at my confusion. ‘Come back here.
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