’ And what of these men who pass into the background noise of my head? Do they only wait for me to be weak and vulnerable? I care deeply and I deny not my love for the men I’ve shared my heart with. Mom taught me sex without love is a degradation of one’s soul. Mom, I really tried to love them all, but they couldn’t handle my wild heart. So if it’s just been sex, and all my unselfish gestures go to waste eventually, where do I turn now? It’s always been about him. Whether it was this ‘him’, or that ‘him’, didn’t really matter. I’ve poured myself into making it ‘work’ over and over only accomplishing to tear a hole in some guy’s heart and leave myself drained and devastated. I’ve spent the better part of my adulthood trying to convince my spirit that life was easier with a man by my side. At the cost of many self sacrificial moves, I’ve buried myself again, along with any resolution to my current conundrum. I found a needle in a pile of hay a couple days ago. I immediately thought of. "I'm a greedy bastard," Conrad said, and waited."Well..." Harrigan said, and paused. "If you gotta have the whole enchilada and more..."Obviously interested in this tack, Conrad said, "Yeah?" Heroin, cocaine ... other pharmaceuticals, they all pay very well." How well?" Done properly, maybe 5000, or 10,000 percent." Now you're talking," Conrad said."Ah, but the risk also increases ... almost by the same percentage." There's gotta be a relatively safe way," Conrad declared and then waited.After a moment or two Harrigan offered, "One can invest in another's business. But as I said, there is a high risk." What is it?" Conrad asked. He thought he knew, but was paying for the information, so he waited patiently for Harrigan to complete the picture."One, they can take your money and run. Two, they take the money and kill you. Three, they take the money and actually set out to complete the deal, but maybe something goes wrong, as in someone informs on the deal, and the Feds make a bust. Or,.
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