What say you give us back half the money and we call it even?’ Dan asked in his best Can’t We All Get Along voice. Chad looked at him, unblinking, for several long seconds. Then a smile crept across his face. ‘Of course,’ he said amicably. ‘Just as soon as the Queen Mother walks through that door and sucks my left nut.’ Dan’s hand was halfway to Chad’s throat before he got himself under control. ‘There’s no reason to be a dickhead,’ he said ominously. ‘Look sport,’ Chad said irritably. ‘We’re running a business here. Your buddy wanted a resort that ‘catered to all lifestyles in a free and open environment’, and that’s what he got,’ he said, reciting the marketing spiel from the website. ‘But our confirmation plainly states that any cancellation less than 72 hours before arrival will result in forfeiture.’ He shrugged. ‘Maybe you should find friends that aren’t so interested in saving a buck.’ ‘What do you mean, ‘all lifestyles in a free and open environment’?’ Dan asked, seemingly. Most evenings we would sit in the lounge drinking wine and chatting while Chloe would sit reading with a disapproving air or flounce out to her room to “do things”. She was a real wet blanket.She always went to bed early while we sat up until the wee hours laughing and joking. One evening after Chloe went off to bed Hazel, who had been drinking more than usual, said “Do you think she goes off early to have a wank”?I almost choked on my wine and we both collapsed in laughter. “I’m not sure I can cope with the idea of Chloe masturbating,” I said “I think she would do it in such a soul-less way.”“Yes, she doesn’t really do fun does she?”Now there was no relationship between Hazel and me, we were just flatmates. I had tried to get her to go out with me once, but she said getting into a relationship with a lodger was a complication she didn't need. After pouring us each some more wine Hazel said “what about you, do you have a wank when you go to your bed?”I’ve always been open about sex.
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