My mother took pride that she had only allowed herself to be defiled that way twice in her life, one time each for me and my sister. It was a duty that was part of the marriage vows but indulging in it for fun or even enjoying it were right up there with Satan worship in the sin department.I've always been a large girl. I wouldn't call myself fat but I was never beauty contest material. I've been described as chunky and big boned. And that's by people who claimed they were standing up for me such as my parents and our minister. I didn't have many friends growing up and never a boy.I met the kids' father at church. I was in my senior year, Jerry had graduated the year before. He loved cars and had been working as a car mechanic since he finished school. He had his own car, money in his pocket and he noticed me. He was the first person of the opposite sex to make an effort to get to know me. The first time was after church when everyone stood around with their Styrofoam cups of coffee,. John came in as everything was ready to put on the table. She didn't do that, though. She left everything on the counter, and served herself. John got a beer from the fridge and opened it while he went, inevitably, toward the room that had the 50" flat screen TV. And his recliner.She ate quickly and put her dishes in the sink. Then, she went to the bedroom and changed into running shorts and the powder blue sports bra she had purchased on impulse one day. She lifted a tank top out of the drawer, but then hesitated. She always wore a shirt over her sports bras when she ran. Now, she imagined herself running in only the shorts and bra. She knew her breasts bounced, even in the confines of the bra. For years she'd been ashamed of them, thinking they were grotesque, huge, ungainly. She'd gotten over that when all her boyfriends seemed to love them. John had lavished attention on them when they first met.She examined the bra. It was called a "bra" but it didn't look like one. Not really..
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