It's how they're made." I shouldn't have trusted him," she said."You've learned a lesson without being badly hurt, sweetie. You'll know better next time." There won't be a next time."She'd said it with so much conviction in her voice I began to wonder what the future might be like for her. Most women, even with bad first experiences, go on to love and marry men and have babies. Had her experience soured her permanently?"Are you going out with him again?" I don't think so. We don't have much in common. He can't even draw."I laughed and let the touch of my hand sooth her. She'd broken a barrier and lost some of her innocence, but she trusted me enough to talk to me. A few minutes later, she got out of her lounge chair and climbed into mine, cuddling with me and asking me to hold her. She started crying softly.I shook my head and let my tears flow quietly. I hugged her very tight and rocked her, softly singing a half-remembered lullaby about a mockingbird. Her tears, whether from sorrow. Working where Paul? No one would hire us. Do you want to live on welfare the rest of your life? Do you think that there is a future in picking up aluminum cans on the side of the road?"Paul looked like an animal caught in a trap. He couldn't look any more stunned if Doyal had popped him in the forehead with a two-by-four. I took a deep breath and said, "Paul. Go lock the door."He shook his head and tried to grab my wrist again. I pulled away and hissed, "No god damn it! We have to do this. We don't have a choice. Go lock the damned door!"I could see Doyal out of the corner of my eye. He hadn't moved and his expression hadn't changed. No matter what Paul and I did in the next few minutes, he was enjoying the hell out of our suffering.Paul still hadn't moved. I grabbed the lapels of his lab coat and quietly said, "Paul, we can talk about this later. But you are a smart man. That was one of the things that attracted me to you. You know as well as I do that we don't have any other.
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