What Ruth had needed was me to be the man I was today, but back then I was still just a boy with no clue in the universe of how to break the sexual stalemate we'd found ourselves in. We were both virgins trapped in a fantasy, with no concept of how adults dealt with these issues.At nineteen, I was horrified at the concept of "forcing" myself on anyone, and had no idea that sometimes a man is expected to be sexually aggressive in order to prove his worthiness. Some young males at this age go too far to the other extreme, and think every "no" uttered by a potential mate is really a yes in disguise. I was so worried about coming across as a sexual bully that I played the role of "Mr. Nice Guy" to the hilt, forgetting that it's often this type of behavior that turns a woman off. Some women prefer their men to show their strength through less-than-sterling behavior. James Bond was a good example, and I knew at the time that Ruth was really turned on by his character. She would frequently. When I get paid for the painting of Sir Archibald, I will be able to live here on my own for about a month if I was careful with the money. However, I owe rent on this place so I would have to find another client or sell other paintings to buy clothes and food after about a fortnight. Living with father, I have no food or other expenses to pay for and Cook only charges me a nominal amount for your fare." Tears streamed down my face when it became clear that this was only a preamble to my being sent away but when I tried to speak he put his fingers to my lips and said, "Hear me out Emily." If you stay with me there are times when we would be poor, poorer even than you were on the farm but at other times there will be food in plenty. I'm quite profligate when I have money so it doesn't last long and usually by then, I head back and partake of father's hospitality until I've built up enough funds to return to my work here or I receive word of a commission. If I allow you to stay, these.
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