.. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.”“Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?... “What ... You’re coming empty handed?”Wise Italian GrandfatherWhy Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan’ you lissina me. I wan’ you to take-a my chrome plated... 38 revolver so you will always remember me.”“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns ... How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?”“You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos.”“Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man.“Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, ‘times up’ “?Irish blonde... An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a. "Oral sex?"The girl flushed red but nodded once more."Anal sex?"She looked quickly at each of her parents then whispered in the affirmative."Sarah?" Steve gasped. The girl looked down at the table disconsolately."Wait until I see James," Steve mumbled."You can't judge them Steve. It's a different generation today. All the kids talk about their experiences, compare notes, even post pornographic images of themselves on Facebook. If you don't conform then you're consigned to the fringes of society, like the churchgoers of old before the church was modernised. Married couples now perform their conjugal rights at the altar with friends and relatives there to bear witness, and even join in." It's different I'll grant you, but it's not necessarily right." Marriage is on the increase again, divorce rates are plummeting. Crime rates are lower than they've ever been. UNESCO has recently rated the UK as the third happiest country in the world, behind only Denmark and the Netherlands. I'm sure.
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