She started laughing. Now I don't want any of this to soundlike I blame her for of my problems as it would have been the normalreaction to seeing a boy dressed as femenine as the most girly girl. Mom, Iunderstand and your reaction was not your fault. The fault was all mine when I didn't tell you how I felt about wanting,wishing, praying that I would wake up one day as I felt I was inside. Eversince then I thought that if I didn't keep my thoughts a secret that i woudbe laughed at, scorned, or critisized. This is one instance that I let myfears get the better of me. I tried do hard to just fit in but it was to no avail. It was as if I wasin the middle of a step and just past the point of no return I found outthat I had ran out road falling flat on my face. I tried to just forgetabout it and was successful from my freshman year till age 24. It was amistake that nearly cost me my life on more that a few occaissions. Durringall that time I put up a wall and for those years I felt that. The house was quiet, and the doors were locked. With the kids not due home from school until 3:30 pm and her husband Fred not expected until 5, this was Maria’s time for herself. Her normal schedule was to clean up and do her housework once the kids caught the bus. By around 1 pm she usually had things in order and that left the rest of the afternoon for whatever she felt like doing. Her daily bath was her time for herself, and as such, she cherished and looked forward to it. Maria liked to think of bath time as her chance to recharge her batteries while letting the stresses of everyday life drain away. Today, however, was to be one of those occasional days when she looked forward to her bath with extra anticipation. For that reason, she had drawn the bathroom blinds tightly and lit about ten or twelve small votive candles. The ambiance provided a sense of romance to the room. For the past several months, Maria had been enjoying what she thought of as her ‘special’ baths about once.
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