"Distracted? How? By what?" I could see Mom was worried that something could be impeding by studies. I quickly tried to think up a lie to use as a distraction but then a plan popped into my mind. What if I exploited moms eagerness to help me succeed by saying I had been thinking about her body and needed her help to relieve me. She might even let me fuck her! The plan was deviant but it was the truth. My sexual lust for mom was driving me insane. "Dan! What is distracting you so we can solve the issue right now. Is it that Xbox?" "No mom, not the Xbox" "Well what then?" Moms tone was increasingly impatient so I built up the courage and decided to tell all. "It's you mom" Mom looked back at me with a puzzled look. "But honey, I'm at work most of the day and make very little noise at home" "No mom, not you physically. I can't stop thinking about you" Mom didn't reply, instead the confusion on her face grew and I realised she hadn't picked up on what I was getting at. I was going to. My mother raised me fearless, my father raised me fearful of everything, most of all him. ‘You asked who I was talking to at the restaurant in Rome. Who made me . . . act the way I did. It was my father.’ Leo doesn’t look at me, and I wonder if that’s more for my sake than his. If I focus on the mirror I can see my face, but I don’t look. He doesn’t press me further, and his quiet is what allows me to speak. I don’t count words with Leo. ‘He’s an abusive asshole who thinks women are gifts from God to serve men. I think my mother put up with it for as long as she did because she thought he really loved her. I think he must have, in his own way. But she left him, and all that bitterness and warped sense of a woman’s place in the world transfered to me. I was—am never good enough for him. And he was just reminding me of that. ‘He threatened to send me back to Morocco to work as basically a slave for his family. Then he called me a whore, and said if I sleep with someone abroad I’m.
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