She never lost that haunted expression. Finally she broke down and started to talk. ‘John, you have every right to be mad at me. What I did was wrong and I admit it. But please let me explain.’ ‘That’s why I’m here right now. Explain away.’ ‘Well, we’ve been together a long time. Since we were 16 and in high school! I’ve never dated anyone but you before. Not ever. I love you and would never trade away the last 8 years for anything, but, well, I have often wondered what other guys would be like.’ ‘I see. Well, do you know now? Are you done?’ If that was the end of it I could probably forgive her, put it behind me and get through this with her. ‘Well…’ That pause smashed my crumbling heart to powder. I was not enough for her and now I knew it. ‘John, I love you. I really do. I love you more than I can ever put into words and I don’t want to lose you. Can we work something out here?’ ‘Like what’ ‘Like…well…do you think you could handle me dating other men?’ My powdered heart caught. I was disappointed, silly as it was, as I had convinced myself that this would be the day that I got brave enough to say hi.Suddenly I felt someone’s hot breath on the back of my neck. I froze until a voice said, “I’ve noticed you watching me. I think you dream about having my hands all over your body. If I’m wrong, just say no, and I will walk away. But if I’m right, say nothing, and I’ll give you a subway ride to remember.”I should have said no. We were on a subway, for fuck’s sake! But my libido decided for me, and I remained silent.“Just to make sure you heard me, nod if you want me to use you like a dirty little girl right here on this train.”I nodded enthusiastically and wondered just how he planned to pull this off on a crowded subway. I prayed to God he wasn’t considering the disgusting lavatory with its smell of vomit and other putrid odors.I needn’t have worried; my mystery man had no intention of moving anywhere. He nibbled on my earlobe and whispered, “I’m not a psycho.
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