Lord, why do you torture me—I ask in the lord’s prayer ‘and deliver us not into temptation, deliver us from evil’ it says plainly. Why do I enjoy these dreams?In my little red journal I wrote a lot about sex, a lot about God, and very little about my real life. Real relationships seemed impossible.Everyone knew me as the prim and proper girl who liked learning. Even among the nerd boys, I seemed an off limits alien. At one point, I shared chemistry class with five of them from my core friends group. They made naughty jokes and seemed genuinely surprised that I wanted to be included. They lightly flirted with me; mostly finding excuses to touch me during labs. Even so, none of them thought to make an actual move. They preferred, from my perspective, to ogle at a pretty, popular girl on the other side of the classroom, whom they had no shot with. I was fun to hang with and make fun of, but not worth pursuing. My lab partner, nicknamed Big Bear, was the closest to consider pursuing me. . " She paused, stretching, revealing a few inches of her toned stomach. "I'm going to grab some breakfast, do you want anything?" No, I better start before your mom gets back. I don't want to look like a slacker." Alright," she said, and trotted off to the kitchen. She returned a few minutes later with a bowl of cereal and sat cross-legged in the hall, out of my way, while I painted.She ate and we talked, and she stayed afterward, chatting as I worked. She offered to help a few times but, to be honest, I had my technique down and any 'help' would just slow me down. We talked while I painted, and I was surprised by how much we had in common. We were both avid readers, and big movie fans. I had always liked her growing up, but in high school I assumed she was stuck up and ran with the popular k**s. "I don't," she said, when we got to that subject. "I've got my small group of friends, but none of them are the popular k**s. I always wondered why you turned snobby." Me?" I said, and then.
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