She tried to diet but it made her miserable and her self-esteem was so shot she couldn't believe in herself enough to continue. She tried fads, she tried genuinely good advice, but even the truth won't set you free without the energy to continue. She tried ignoring the problem or embracing to it ironically. She developed a loud personality to cover her unhappiness. She became defensive.She was trapped, apparently inescapably, in that zone of unhappy mediocrity where people said behind her back "What a pity! She'd have such a pretty face if she only had some discipline." And she knew it.And so she passed in loneliness and disappointment her college years, the years someone had once told her would be the best of her life.And then a guy said Hi to her in the gym. She had just gotten off the treadmill—twenty whole minutes of fruitless uncomfortable power-walking, feeling judged by everybody there—in one of her infrequent doomed lunges at self-improvement. And he just came over and said. We started with a bottle of wine and the waitress never even thought to ask if I was old enough for a glass. As we clinked them together, Delcy pressed one of her heavy breasts to Buck’s arm, one of her favorite tricks to get attention. Once more, I followed the lead of my mother and felt an electric jolt as I pressed my own breast to my father in a sexual way for the first time as we made our toast.Delcy and I chose to broach the issue in public for several reasons. First, I looked good: mature and womanly, not like the daughter Dad was used to seeing. Second, if he turned us—me—down, we had the formality of the meal to hold us together as a family. We would finish, leave together and still be together. Third, if he accepted, we had hours of teasing to bring us to the height of passion so that, when we got to bed, there would be no hesitation or awkwardness, just hurried undressing and sweet love making.Delcy and I teased one another by feeding each other and then Buck the.
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