If I couldn't looklike that (could I?) Mother could look like that for both of us...Speaking of how I looked, Mother commented happily that it looked like Ihad not grown any more masculine looking in the time I had been away. Ihad a slight build, and virtually no facial hair, and mother was pleasedto see that that had not changed. I had never been to a specialist (whybother if I was not concerned about my lack of masculine physicalcharacteristics?) but it seemed that I had a male hormone deficiency.When I was very young, I had a hernia, and an undescended testicle, andI suspected that I was only producing half the amount of male hormonesof a normal boy. Anyway, Mother enveloped my in her arms, as if I were a long lost lover.Any reserve I had planned on showing, any demonstration of my new-foundindependence, melted quickly away. Right there, in the doorway, I hadan epiphany: I was still a little sissy boy in love with his Mommy.Right then and there, I decided to stop fighting. Hormonal imbalance caused mood swings that ranged from euphoria on one side of the scale to almost homicidal depression on the other. Her doctor had to pretty much experiment on her to try and find a combination of hormone pills and other drugs that would bring her to a balance. Whenever he found something that seemed to work things would be great for a month or two and then they wouldn't work anymore and he would go back to experimenting again. I never knew what I was going to find when I came home.I had just come home from a three-day business trip and found the house empty. That was strange because I'd called Zoe and told her what time I would be home and she always had dinner waiting for me. By eight o'clock Zoe still wasn't home and I hadn't heard from her. I got on the phone and started calling around, but no one I talked to had any idea of where she might be. Her mother told me that she had talked to Zoe that morning and that Zoe had told her that she had a doctor's.
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