I couldn’t bring myself to do what I wanted which was very frustrating to me. Fifteen years of marriage had apparently made me fear changing our routine even though I wanted to and thought my husband would like it. I was also always very quiet in bed and only occasionally would make much more than a low moan when I had a particularly intense orgasm….or….as it turned out….thought I had an orgasm. I could also only have an orgasm when my husband used his fingers on me. I have never had an orgasm with my husband’s cock inside me. I started thinking about Dan during the day at times, fantasizing about seducing him even though I had no real practice seducing and even had a few dreams of us kissing. One day we had a problem with some ants in our home. Not knowing who to call and just in happenstance speaking to Susie over the phone I mentioned the ants. She said that Dan would come over and look at the situation and see if he could do anything about the problem. I was more than happy. Sexually? Last week I was a virgin. Since then I had made love to members of both sexes. The girls were great. Bud was fantastic. If that wasn't a profound change I didn't know what would be.Emotionally? I felt like I had grown more emotionally than any other way. The things I thought were important to me before seemed absurdly trivial now. Cheerleading was the best example. Before, being on the squad was the high point of my life. Today, I had walked away from it as not being relevant to who I was or what I needed or wanted. I had to choose between spending time jumping and shouting in front of hundreds of fans to whom I was merely side-line entertainment, or learning the skills that would enable me to save lives and protect others from harm. The comparison struck me as funny and I laughed. Neeka smiled and hugged me around the shoulders as we walked. She had probably been following my thoughts and knew what made me laugh. When I looked at her, she nodded. Finding Neeka, more than.
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