I like my life; I can work when I want and for who I want. And I don't have some politically connected jerk telling me what to do." How are you doing for money? I've heard about that office of yours and the truck you're driving." Between you and me Major, the work I'm getting is setting me up pretty well. The truck runs good and I don't worry about parking it in some of the areas I've had to go to. As for the office, the only reason I even have one is for some place to meet clients." Wouldn't a nicer office impress your clients more?" My place makes the people think I'm a little desperate; it makes them think I'll work harder to earn their money." Okay Matt. Call me if I can help." Sure Major and thanks."What wasn't mentioned by Major Taylor or myself was the settlement I got from the St. Louis Police Department. I'd sued for wrongful termination and a whole bunch of other things. My attorney, Jeb Smith, was an old college buddy and he is very good; a real vicious Great White shark. I tried to view them as serious possibilities, and forced myself to imagine myself doing typical things partners do with them. The sensation of failure was overwhelming as I tried imagining myself with forty-nine year old whose gray hair was quickly going away, and looked like the accountant he was. Before, I had imagined myself as the big spoon. This was obviously not going to be the case, and the idea of having that guy wrap his arms around me was utterly overwhelming in how gay it was. Couples kissed, and his picture clearly had a greying moustache. I blew a gigantic load to the thought that I could, and should end up hapilly wanting to kiss men.Once that door was unlocked, it was easier to take trips through it. I got fucked by strangers from Craigslist six more times that month. It was a combination of several things that kept me going back: Masturbating is great, it can be amazing, but I now had access to actual sex. Each of them was different, though no one older than thirty.
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