You have an athletic cafeteria that loads you down with free nutritious foods. You have access to free tutors, usually beautiful coeds, to make sure your grades are high enough to keep you eligible. You are treated like a god every place you go on campus….”“Okay, okay…I get the picture,” Dan interrupted. “I can see I probably made a mistake passing up a football scholarship, but I made a decision and will just have to live with it.”“Not necessarily. I work as a trainer for the football team and judging from your size I am prepared to bet that Coach Jacobs will still let you try out for the team.”“Why would he?”“We are hurting for big men like you; especially on the offensive line. And if you prefer to play defense, you would make a great linebacker.”“Do you really think Coach Jacobs would still let me try out for the team?”“Give me the okay and I will check on it first thing tomorrow.”“Okay…you have my consent to approach the coach. The cost of the food in this cafeteria alone is. A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife."You come to the front door of the apartment building. I am in apartment 3-1There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 3-1. I will buzz you in. Come inside and the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out,I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?"What, You're coming empty handed?"An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated... 38 revolver so you will always remember me." But grandpa, I really don't like guns ... How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?" You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos." Somma.
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