’ ‘But she’s so far gone now, she just may want to rest. It’s been weeks since she recognized me, I have to wonder what is happening in her mind.’ Wondering if she ever remembered those times in the kitchen I asked my mother, ‘Does she say anything to you anymore, about anything?’ ‘Only about getting away, as if I were a stranger who could free her, or occasionally she’ll mention the nice lady who came last week.’ ‘Meaning you?’ ‘Yeah, I just kind of wish she knew.’ ‘Maybe somewhere, deep inside, she knows,’ I said, hoping that deep inside she might remember a teaspoon, a tablespoon or something of that time. ‘I don’t know, I’ll call you if there is any change.’ ‘Look, it’s after eleven, why don’t you head home and get some rest?’ ‘Yes, Uncle Bruce is here, he’s going to stay with her a while, I’ll come back in the morning.’ ‘Okay, good. I love you.’ ‘Love you too, bye.’ — — — — — No teaspoons, just IVs measured in milliliters. I hung up the phone. No teaspoons, no tablespoons, I. I dont know what it is, but its not right. Arriving at the hotel Mizuhashi seemed worried that i was back so early. He seen me leave no less than two hours ago. Not stopping i just ran into the room and into the bedroom. My heart is still beating uncontrollably. I cant stand it. What happened? Why cant i do it? Im confused more than worried. Ive already had most of her in the sauna and then again at her apartment. I lay in bed thinking about everything. Suddenly Ana slipped her way into my mind. I miss her so much. I want to hold her in my arms again. Tears begin to trail down my cheek as i begin to think of the past. My own darkness has been haunting me lately. I can feel something terrible is going to happen. A knock at the door causes me to jump. I wasnt expecting anyone but i assume its Mizuhashi, so i decided to ignore it. I turn the light off and close my eyes. A hand is touching my leg. My eyes fly open and start darting around the room. No one is there. I lay back and try to.
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