"You don't care how Pam feels at all, do you?" Sure I do," I said. "What would I say to Pam, 'Hey, your ex was checking out my ass so I think we're going on a date tonight?' That's pretty shitty." No, I wouldn't say that," I said. "I probably wouldn't mention it. But you'd definitely get a good meal out of it. I mean, there's no fooling you, so I'd probably overspend on the date like crazy to get in your good graces. And you know how it is at grad school - you take those fancy meals where you can get 'em." Oh my God," said Stephanie, her mouth wide, her eyes flashing. "You're a creep." Is that a no?"She laughed all the way through her jog, and it seemed like she was still laughing when she rounded the chemistry building. I had half a mind to chase her, but I don't think that would be the feminist thing to do. Instead, I brushed up on my international relations.* * * I ran a lot that semester. Sometimes I would pass her by the lake, throwing my arms wide in a 'why not?' gesture that. And I didn't push inside yourbutt crack or anything. But I did touch, and feel, and hold your butt. Itwas so, so calling me. And it really really looked like you had left itthere intending for me to do that."I felt upset. I felt betrayed, and violated. And I felt upset that Icouldn't tell, that I had absolutely no memory of it happening. I remainedsilent, thinking about it more and more."I'm sorry," he said. "I see that I've upset you. I shouldn't have donethat. I'm sorry. I'll do better next time, I promise I won't touch youthere unless you actually give me explicit permission."I remained silent."Does this mean we're not gonna have fun together tonight?" he asked. "WasI wrong to tell you? Perhaps you would've prefered to have remainedignorant about it? I guess I thought you might be upset, but that you'drather know than be kept in the dark about it, and that since I was honestwith you you'd forgive me." I remained silent. "Would you? Would youforgive me?" I still didn't respond, so.
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