She knew she had a strong submissive streak and was turned on bykinky, naughty, "bad" fantasies. alyssa had also had her own experienceswith taboo sex and those memories and desires stayed with her. We conversed by email for several weeks, getting to know one another andworking up to a meeting. Eventually that day came and we arranged to meetin downtown Seattle at a popular bar. I was very specific in myinstructions to her. She was to wear a recognizable dress (she chose andinformed me it was a black dress with white floral print), heels, nopanties and to have a freshly shaven pussy. She had shaved her pussy andsimply informed her husband it was something new she wanted to try, Ilearned later. She was to ride the escalator's up to the 3rd floor where the bar islocated. As she did this she was to keep her eyes on the ground near herfeet and not look at anyone around her. As I stood towards the top of the escalator I saw alyssa riding theescalator at the precisely. I had a perfect moment of clarity: I couldn’t trust him with everything, trust his judgement and his motives, his abilities and his morals ... if I didn’t trust his judgement of me. He’d had the opportunity, seen the worst of me, and he still stayed. He still loved me. Even when I ran, he always came after me.It was time to put my money where my mouth was – I had to trust him. Trust that if he thought I deserved him ... that maybe I did.I sat up, suddenly wide awake. How had I gotten myself into such a stupid situation? Hadn’t I said – to Zev, to Nate, to Leli ... that they had to let the person they were with decide whether they were worthy? I’d argued with Leli, for heaven’s sake, when she’d used being Orlesian as an excuse not to be with Nate. Told her he got to decide if it was too big a problem for him. And then, not for the first time – it was the Brecilian Forest all over again, when I’d given Leli excuses for avoiding a relationship – I’d used the same, stupid, arrogant.
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