“I’ve been wracking my brain for the past two days trying to figure it out. I mean, I totally understand why Saturday night happened. She used the fact that I was distraught about Kara and you and Jennifer and Bethany to basically convince me that it didn’t matter. But Friday, I just don’t get it. I was doing fine then all of a sudden, we danced close, she kissed me and five minutes later we were ripping our clothes off and fucking.”“Jesus, Steve! You made so much progress. Then one slow dance and one kiss and you’re fucking her? Argh! It makes me crazy just to think about it!”“So now what?”“I don’t know. What are you going to do?”“Confess to Kara. I’ll take her out tomorrow after dinner and tell her the whole sordid tale. She doesn’t know about my past with Becky, but I’m going to have to tell her everything.”“Wow!” She sighed. “That’s going to be a shitty conversation for sure. I’m sure she’ll break up with you.”“I’m positive she will. And the conversation with Bethany isn’t going. I’m sorry.”Another first – knocking on my bedroom door before coming in and now apologising. My relationship with my mother was changing very quickly and I wasn’t sure where it was going.“So, can I talk to Col and Mutti Frida about what you told me last night?”Across the table from me, I could see my mother’s reaction as palpably physical. She was shifting in her chair and glancing round the room. She was clearly deeply uncomfortable with the idea of someone outside the family knowing about this.“You have nothing to be ashamed off, mummy.”My mother took a deep breath and looked at me. “Ah, but you’re wrong there.”“But nothing happened between you and your friend, you told me that.” Had she lied to me? Was I really not my father’s son?“Nothing did happen – that’s not what I’m ashamed of.” I could see tears in her eyes. “I’m ashamed that for so long I did nothing about your father’s violence towards you. I should have stopped it when it started. Before it started.” She slowly toppled.
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