...What a fucked up life this is I thought.I had taken my laptop to the states and on it I had photographs of Amanda and I in happier times, some nights my heart would feel heavy at the loss, but I never let it show in my few emails to Amanda, I had been in the states about 5 months when I received a email from Susan saying how worried she was about Amanda it seemed she had lost a lot of weight and was in trouble keeping on top of her job so much so that she had been forced to take some leave to sort herself out. Susan begged me to be kinder to Amanda and ended her email by adding that she really believed that Amanda thought what she was doing was for both our benefits and begged me to call Amanda for a chat if I still cared about her to help her through her depression.That evening I sat down and composed a long email in which I explained all my feelings, the betrayal, the sickness in my stomach and how I hated her and myself for letting it happen, I reminded her how I had accepted. Inquire on Monday, but go throughnormal channels, as if this is just a minor inconvenience. Do not showany sense of urgency at all."Now, your home computers - do you have good anti-spyware software onthem? Not just anti-virus, but anti-spyware?" Yes, Sharon insists." Good girl. Run full scans every time you log on and before you log off.Don't just rely on the automatic screening." Anything else?" Yes. Just because you're not showing them a sense of urgency doesn'tmean you don't have one. Try to get that analysis done as quickly aspossible."She knew he was right. She was about to say so when she heard backgroundnoise from his end."What's that?" she heard him say, away from the phone. Then he spoke toher. "Julie just came in. She said she saw some young guy with aprofessional looking camera hanging around the park. She says she saw himthere yesterday, too, when he tailgated his way in behind some old guy -smooth, held the gate for him to get in with his walker." Jack, I'm not going to.
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