I wondered what was going through his mind as we prepared to travel across country to see my father. We packed quickly and left our home shortly after lunch for a multi-day journey to see my father before it was too late. It was after one o'clock in the afternoon when Bryan and I headed out of Chicago in my Honda Civic. I headed south on I-55 as our trek began. It would take us three full days of driving. Bryan and I would share the driving. As we drove, we talked about my dad, our family, Bryan's and my closeness. I cried some and laughed some. In my emotionally needy state, I felt even closer to Bryan than usual. At the time, it did not feel wrong to lean on Bryan the way I did. In fact, our closeness seemed natural and appropriate. It was almost nine p.m. when we pulled off the road for the night outside St. Louis, looking for a place to spend the night. Since the trip was completely unplanned, we did not have reservations. We went to three different motels before finding one. It got the job done and John thought it was all him.As for my stepson Matt, he's the typical jock. When me and John first got married, I did notice that Matt was kind of muscular, but I didn't give any thought to it. I wanted to make an honest effort to be a good stepmother. I really did put some effort into it, but the more i tried, the more Matt would push back and make it clear he could take care of himself. We got into a pretty regular pattern where he would do his thing and I would just stay out of the way. I told John that I would like to be closer to Matt and he kept telling me to give it time. One time, Matt got in around 2am after a late high school party during senior year. He was seventeen at the time. His father was out of town on business - he was promoted to a new position at his company, which meant more time away from home - and I was there alone and when he came in at 1am I did the typical "mom thing" and asked him where he was and why he was so late. He was supposed.
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