I don’t need to borrow money and dealing drugs is way off my radar.’ ‘I’m sorry.’ I kiss her then. I understand, but I don’t like what I understand. I can’t feel as close to her as I was feeling just a short time ago. I’m not ready to give up, but I’m feeling less enthused. Karen would tell me that I’m overreacting, but the damaged damsel is a lesson I don’t want to repeat. I know that it’s unlikely that I’ll ever meet a woman who hasn’t been hurt by some guy, but to freeze up over a ride in a car makes me wonder what other mistrust might burn me. At least I’ve been able to keep my distrust hidden while I learn whether she deserves it. ————————————————————————– Oh god, what have I done? I’ve blown it, I’ve blown it, I’ve blown it. It was just a fuckin’ ride in a fuckin’ car and now Karl knows what a fuckin’ victim I am. I had to stop myself from leaving instinctively and that would have been stupid, stupid, stupid. He says he’s been hurt, too, but I’ll bet he never fell as hard as I. I care about you very much, and now that my great affair has gone up in flames, I realize that the intensity of it was all mine. He didn't feel the things I felt, and I now know I forced myself to think it was mutual."If you can stand me for a little while, I'd to find out what there is between us and what could come from being together."What do you think?" She put into words my hope for the three of us. We needed time and space to be together - apart from other pressures - so we could be, say, think, or behave as we want and need.I took my time and thought about what she was proposing. Colleen was keenly interested in my response and waited bravely, but maybe just touch afraid of how I was going to answer. They really did love me. It wasn't all one sided after all."I love you both dearly. If you two are sure you want to be with me. If you are committed to finding out the breadth and depth of our feelings for each other and to seeing if we can build something long term, then I am all.
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